Before you hightail it at the thought of conscious breathing and sitting in silence, hear us out. Meditation is not only a tool we can use anywhere at any time; we can access it for free, and, as Gates reveals, it works. “Meditation has a very long tradition and is an established method enabling a person to calm their inner world – psychologically and physiologically,” she says. So, how exactly can we benefit? “In general terms, meditation works by activating the parasympathetic nervous system (de-activating the sympathetic nervous system), which calms the body and brain,” Gates says.

Turner explains that the benefit of meditating at any time of life is to bring you back to your centre. “You can be in a state of turbulence and extreme change during perimenopause and menopause. Meditation can help you observe those fluctuations without becoming them,” Turner says.

As we age and gather experiences, our inner wisdom moulds our desires and love languages. Honouring this evolution instead of brushing against it can be freeing. Gates highlights the importance of dedicating time to self-reflection, urging us to identify what brings genuine joy and satisfaction and use that as a compass towards fulfilment. “This will help you to enjoy your life and relationships more, break unhelpful habits and poor inter-relating patterns that might not serve you anymore, and enable you to live a conscious life rather than an automatic reactive one,” Gates says.

According to Turner, navigating menopause can feel like being thrust into a whirlwind of change, a battle until we learn how to wield it. “In moments of suffering, our usual sources of happiness might fall short,” Turner explains. “Things that were once our go-to tools might not resonate anymore because we’ve outgrown them.” Turner emphasises the significance of acceptance in uncovering joy. “Our preferences can shift,” she highlights. “What we once disliked might now bring us pleasure, and vice versa.” This process, she notes, is a crucial step towards more fulfilling experiences, requiring a willingness to release our firm grip on self-identity.

Open-hearted vulnerability is hot. Sharing the challenges that menopause poses to your sexual wellbeing, whether with a long-term partner or a casual fling, can be more empowering than concealing them. Whether it’s vaginal dryness, shifting desires, or a lack of self-confidence, addressing these concerns can pave the way for a deeper connection.

“Intimacy includes the dimensions of emotion, physical, sexual, intellectual, and spiritual,” Gates says. “Being emotionally intimate in a safe, respectful relationship builds connection, understanding, security and validation,” she explains. “The psychological benefits of emotional intimacy for many women are associated with their desire for physical and sexual intimacy. The more emotional intimacy, the greater the sexual desire. Research also shows that practical household help and support is also a great aphrodisiac, given exhaustion is the killer of all intimacy,” Gates asserts.

Turner frames the importance of honest communication as an empowerment tool. However, she emphasises the need for a receptive audience. “When it comes to addressing our sexual needs, effective communication with our partner is crucial, as it directly involves them. While you can discuss other symptoms of hormonal changes with close friends or family, discussing evolving sexual desires and needs requires open dialogue with the person it involves. Otherwise, the alternative is facing negative experiences,” she says.

Even as sexual drive may wane during menopause, Gates notes that this shift doesn’t necessitate a loss of yearning for physical touch or affection, emphasising the significance of developing non-sexual contact. Engaging in activities such as massage, back rubs, hand-holding, or simply sharing moments by leaning into one another can profoundly benefit our physical, mental and intimate wellness.

“Such physical contact is wonderful for our health and wellbeing as it triggers the release of some of the ‘feel good’ neurotransmitters that make us feel safe and secure (oxytocin) and joy (dopamine),” Gates says. “This increases the likelihood of developing a relaxed and rewarding new way of inter-relating and deepening intimacy, which in turn will support other forms of intimacy,” she says.

Turner aligns with this perspective, advocating for sensual experiences not solely fixated on reaching climax, emphasising the importance of embracing and appreciating the entire body beyond orgasm-centric areas. Additionally, she expresses the significance of self-massage as a vital component of intimacy at any life stage. “Using a natural oil such as organic black sesame oil, especially beneficial during menopause, to gently massage yourself, from toes to scalp, fosters a gentle appreciation for your body,” Turner suggests. “This gradual process nurtures body positivity, instils gratitude for its resilience and sends a powerful message to the mind – ‘I am valuable’ – countering the common ‘I am not enough’ mindset that women often wrestle with,” she says.

Partner connection isn’t the only form of intimacy. Have you ever felt joy while strolling in a park, diving into the ocean, or dancing freely to your favourite tune? These experiences, which ignite a spark in your belly, can aid in navigating menopausal changes.

According to Gates, we can find sensuality in our surroundings. “Celebrate your individuality and life by engaging in activities that bring joy and make your soul sing. Being in nature, increasing play and finding laughter will deeply enrich your life, increase your resilience and fill your heart, making you shine from the inside,” she says.

Turner believes that anything that makes you feel good in your body is sensuality. She cautions against distractions that hinder personal growth, such as excess consumerism and comparison. “When you feel good within, you stand taller with your heart forward; it’s a natural consequence of doing the things you love,” Turner says. “Our chest gives us indicators. When it’s spacious, light and uncompressed, we are completely and utterly lost in the thing we’re doing; you become the thing, there is no you. That’s the deepest form of meditation,” she says, highlighting its role in dispelling sensuality stealers, like the ‘I’m not enough’ narrative and the aches and pains. “Engaging in the things you love paves the way to managing perimenopause and menopause challenges. Find the things that make your heart sing,” she encourages.

Maintaining a nutritious diet, regular exercise, proper hydration, and quality sleep often top the list for alleviating physical and mental distress – a truth that holds particularly significant relevance during menopause. The beauty lies in that, for many people, these practices, bar some sleep-related challenges, fall within your control to pave the path towards improvement.

Gates stresses the importance of using these tools to commit to your self-care. “Be kind to yourself as that will lead you to make helpful, healthy decisions that can improve your mental, physical, and psychological wellbeing, which will support you to flourish,” she says.

Turner notes the power of subtle yet consistent actions, highlighting their impact on self-worth. “You can make conscious decisions daily, ten times over, even 50 times over, like good-quality breathing, drinking water or choosing healthier food. Doing this is telling yourself repeatedly that this body is worth that effort,” Turner says. She emphasises the loop effect of self-nourishment is cultivating a sense of sensuality and self-worth that extends positivity beyond yourself to those around you.

Letting go of self-judgement and embracing change allows you to navigate your evolving self during perimenopause and menopause. Much like the essential pivot experienced during puberty, this phase demands adaptability. Extending kindness and empathy towards yourself nurtures a smoother transition.

As Gates points out, humans are remarkable at adapting and evolving. “Thirty per cent of our brain real estate is devoted to problem-solving, critical thinking and other executive processes,” Gates says. “Take your learnings from experiences (difficult and positive) and use them to move forward, utilising your strengths. A focus on weaknesses only weakens, and a focus on hurt erodes, so practice grace and forgiveness of self and others and keep moving towards your goals and by your priorities.”

Turner explains there are fluctuations between empowerment and self-doubt during this transition. “The surge in oestrogen is like our superhero moment, but then its plummet to its lowest point in our life can cause anxiety and your inner critic saying, ‘look where I am in my life, this is not how I saw my life to be’. Comparison is the killer of any joy,” Turner says, expressing the extreme jump from ‘I’m not enough’ or ‘I’m not valuable’ to ‘I’m precious’ or ‘I’m amazing’ is a leap too far for some. “A phrase I use with my patients to take that step towards an inner dialogue of kindness without feeling performative is, ‘I’m a human being’. ‘I might’ve stuffed up, but that’s a part of being human’,” she adds.

For decades, derogative narratives have surrounded menopause. Performing a self-check is crucial to ensure we aren’t unwittingly perpetuating this narrative. Turner suggests that we’re likely still disentangling from the social threads of oppression and might be for years to come. “The diminished narrative around a natural process of life, to attack the biology and the physiology of a particular sex is a master stroke of the patriarchy,” Turner says.

Gates encourages embracing the wonderful truth of menopause in the same way that growing older means you are alive. “Don’t dwell on the negatives but celebrate all aspects of life – live actively, consciously, conscientiously. Midlife is a wonderful point to review your life, health and goals and make active decisions to replenish your being, feed your soul, and grow in the latter half of your life,” Gates says.

Turner thinks that despite significant feminist progress, society still struggles to adequately honour and celebrate the cycles and phases that come with being ovary owners. “The initial wave of feminism aimed to participate in a game not designed for equality. We realised it’s your game that was set up for you, for men. Once we got in the door, it was like, ‘Oh, crap, we’re in here, but this is not what equality looks like. Constructs of a nine-to-five, five-day work week, 48 weeks a year, were based on a male endocrine system. Just keep going, just keep going. Nothing about that is set up for a female endocrine system,” Turner says.

Amidst the tumultuous phase of menopause, seeing a professional, whether that’s a GP, counsellor or therapist, can be beneficial. Gates echoes this sentiment, highlighting life’s challenges and unexpected turns. “I’ve had several, including medical menopause to manage breast cancer with over four hot flushes per hour every day for three years. If you’re finding it difficult or can’t see your way out of a problem, don’t hesitate to seek professional help,” Gates advises.

Turner credits the significant value of therapists, if that’s accessible to you. “Sometimes, if turning solely to your friends, you might pull up short because you’re conscious of imparting too much load. But with someone you’re paying for, you impart the whole load,” Turner says, expressing the importance of setting clear session objectives. “You might want to tell your story from start to finish without interruption. Or need guidance in particular areas of your life. Maintaining consistent therapy means that if things come up between sessions, you can journal what you plan to discuss with your therapist rather than flounder in your own doggy paddle of life. It helps to diffuse the situation,” she says.

The drop in oestrogen that occurs during and post-menopause can result in vaginal and vulva dryness. This hormonal change can cause irritation, itchiness and discomfort. The great news is it’s easily treatable. Aci-Jel® Restore is a water-based gel that’s clinically proven to provide soothing, continuous moisture, giving relief from symptoms of vaginal dryness, atrophy, itching, irritation and discomfort. It’s a non-hormonal preparation that can be used in conjunction with systemic hormone replacement therapy (HRT). A dry Bajingo doesn’t have to mean a dry spell!

Disclaimer: This advice is of a general nature. Seek professional or medical help to your specific needs. Always read the label and follow the directions for use.